Recently I was with a friend whom I respect and whose company I enjoy. For the sake of anonymity, I'll refer to her as Heidi. She asked me point blank why guys focus more on looks when evaluating prospects than girls do. She also asked me to answer it without using biology. I was at first defensive, thinking to myself that I wasn't like the typical, superficial guys that only care about looks. But after thinking about it, I knew this wasn't entirely true. The harsh reality was that I was similar to many guys out there: a sucker to the beauty of women. I then reorganized my mental faculties and explained that external members of society influence us. I've found that I want to be with a girl because I like being around her, but yet I still value what my friends and family think of her. And oft times, what they think of her is dependent upon her looks at least at first. However, even as these words were spewing forth from my lips, I knew this couldn't be the sole reason why men emphasize beauty. Why couldn't my family or others that I craved validation from spend some time to get to know my girl, rather than base everything off the first impression of how she looks. Now after this point was cleared up, I felt like a dog with his tail between his legs. I thought to myself, 'Why is it that I go for pretty girls when they in many cases have so much less to offer?' I didn't know, and without a biology perspective I still don't know. I'll spend some additional contemplation time on this subject, and report my findings soon. In the meantime, allow me to share a parable that explains all I know about this topic from a biological perspective:
I was walking to work one morning a couple weeks ago and I saw a woman feeding a pigeon. She threw a piece of bread onto the cold pavement road. At the same time as she threw it, another pigeon arrived onto the scene, swooped in, and grabbed the bread. I could tell this wasn't the first time the second pigeon had done this because the woman expressed frustration and scared the second pigeon away, trying to give the bread to the first pigeon. I thought to myself how unfair that scenario was to the scared-away bird. That woman was denying traits such as speed, agility, and aggression that have been selected for for millions of years. Maybe she thought she was being fair by putting both birds on an equal playing field. But that isn't fair to the more progressed bird and it certainly isn't fair to their posterity. Let's take the first pigeon's posterity for example first. If he is equal to his more advanced friend, his posterity is going to have to rely on the same kind of generosity that woman provided. But we live in a cold, harsh world and rarely can birds rely on others' benevolence. Birds evolved certain characteristics for these very reasons. If the second pigeon's posterity had no advantage over his weaker peers, even though in a natural environment he should, it would negate all of his commendable and worthwhile skills. If only this woman knew that she was being the opposite of fair. I walked past her anxious to start my day at work.
2 comments:
So, did the woman like the first pigeon because it was prettier?
I am totally not convinced that guys are quicker to notice looks than girls. No matter how altruistic your friend thinks she is, I propose that the playing field is pretty even. I also think either gender is just as likely to move past the looks and build friendships. Perhaps there are differences, but I really don't think the gap is as wide as your friend postulates. And who's to say all the beauties are empty inside with nothing to offer?
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