Dating-relationships can be crappy. When you start to date someone, there are only two possible outcomes: it either works out, or it doesn't. If you're like me, it's hard for you to work out with someone. That means that you start something up, only to see it die time and time again. Each relationship death is a painful experience.
Does it have to be painful? My experience is yes. Throughout the course of one's lifetime, it is inevitable to have feelings for someone else. It is part of our human wiring. These feelings range from friendly, childhood affections to more mature, romantic feelings. It doesn't matter if you are seeking a casual friendship, a networking opportunity, or a significant other, you are bound to be turned down by someone else out there sometime in your life. Romantic love can be the most painful because you are tapping into your deepest feelings. It takes a while to learn that when you freely give away your love and affection, and putting your heart out there, your feelings are likely to not be reciprocated and your heart to get trampled on. If you don't feel this pain, you are most likely dishing it out to someone else.
Is having painful relationship deaths a bad thing? My experience is yes. Some act like breaking up is not a big deal, or that they have transcended getting hurt by dating. I think these individuals are either deceiving themselves or they are more robotic than human. I think that the more relationship deaths we experience, our hearts shrivel up a little bit. We become a little more apathetic and we are less apt to put our love out there for others. We act like we don't have feelings, act like we're above the game, and are less willing to love. A bad thing, in my opinion.
Is there an alternative to being poked by the barbs that are strewn along the road to love? I don't think there is an alternative. When someone is trying to find love, there is always a risk of disappointment and failure. Perhaps you could sit and do nothing, but we all know that inaction does not lead anywhere noteworthy. My bottom line is that notwithstanding the highly probable pain along the way, you've got to keep believing and having confidence that someone, someday will love you back when you show them your love.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
How much can one person really take? It is a bad thing that people have to suffer and there is no gauge to determine when a person cannot emotionally take anymore. Sometimes that denial is the only thing that is holding them together. It is interesting to note how fragile one's self-esteem is. It has been found that many of the personal problems people have boil down to self-esteem. This is directly related to the need to be loved. We are socialized to be dependent on others to give us validation as human beings. This starts very young as toddlers when we are either a good boy/girl or a bad boy/girl and continues throughout our lifespan.
As horrible as it may be, it is something that even the Savior observed and suffered because of it. It is nothing new. People hurt the feelings of other people. And we are expected to pick ourselves back up and to carry on our work. A love death does not need to be something that shrivels up your heart but something that challenges you to become more emotionally literate.
Good post Trent. Before you get married you either are being burned or burning people. And it's true that you have to keep taking risks. But so many friends of mine are jaded with the whole dating scene and it is understandable. It's hard to keep faith when things don't work out time after time. And I think it's okay to take breaks from the dating scene from time to time.
You know, I think the easy solution is waiting in those e-dating links that AdSense has tacked to your post.
PS I love the phrase of an earlier commenter: "emotionally literate."
I fully believe that deep relationships that end far before a lifelong commitment can more often than not be successful. It depends, among other factors, on how developed that emotional literacy is. And how you use the experience to develop it further: what did you learn from this person? are you now more capable of loving? how has your perspective of what you can offer and what you need changed?
I also believe in forming relationships just for the sake of enjoying and appreciating others, regardless of what may happen eventually, in being fully committed to a very time-limited relationship. This is applicable in a spectrum of situations.
I also believe that one of the most important competencies we can develop as humans is the ability to navigate the complexities of evolving human relationships.
Post a Comment